French pilgrim evicted from albergue for masturbating loudly

A pilgrim has been forcibly evicted from the Hermanas de Cristo albergue in Carrion de los Hondes for reportedly 'masturbating loudly' in the middle of the night. Our reporter on the scene has the full story.

The first indication that all was not well in the Hermanas de Cristo albergue in Carrion came shortly after 2am when the Sister Consuela who was on duty that night was awakened by a commotion coming from dormitory number two."

"The pilgrims had been in bed for some time, God bless their tired souls, and I had also retired for the night. Shortly after 2am I was woken up by a loud commotion coming from upstairs. I immediately pulled on my dressing gown and went to investigate. When I arrived in dormitory number two I turned on the light and was greeted by a sight of horror the likes of which I will never forget. The pilgrim was in a top bunk still in his sleeping bag and performing 'violent movements' and 'grunting and moaning' loudly."

Grim faced, Sister Consuela continues her account of that terrible night's events.

"Most of the dormitory had already been awakened at this stage and several people had turned on their lights to find out what the ruckus was. I quickly grasped what he was up to, not literally you understand? The pilgrim in an extremely agitated state and engaged in a vile act of self abuse."

Horrified by what she saw Sister Consuela quickly went to the albergue kitchen and returned with a stout wooded spoon several blows from which were enough to quell the pilgrim's passion. Then, with the pilgrim reportedly begging for mercy, she dragged him still in his sleeping bag down three flights of stairs and across the main entrance lobby and deposited him in the street outside the albergue, returning several minutes later to throw his backpack after him.

The pilgrim is reported to have been shaken but unharmed.

'Whack it pretty hard'

CTN caught up with him several days later. Pierre, a French national, declined to give his full name. He has made a good recovery despite suffering from bruising and difficulty urinating. He does not dispute the sequence of events as described by Sister Consuela but denies that he 'woke the whole albergue' with his 'roaring and bawling'.

"Admittedly, I was having a tough time that night, it just wasn't working for me and I had to whack it pretty hard." Pierre confided over a breakfast glass of wine. "I might have gone on a bit longer than usual too."

Contacted for comment Sister Consuela said, "I was in the wars in El Salvador, I've seen some horrible things, but Jesus this was the worse. We had to get the dorm exorcised."

When asked how she would approach these incidents in future she said.

"Lord God help the next little [EXPLETIVE DELETED] I catch spanking his [EXPLETIVE DELETED] monkey in my albergue, I swear to God I'll [EXPLETIVE DELETED] murder the [EXPLETIVE DELETED]".

When asked if Jesus hadn't preached forgiveness of sinners she replied.

"Not in my albergue he didn't!"

Sister Consuela then produced a formidable and dangerous looking whip and proceeded to demonstrate its effectiveness to this reporter, all the time explaining in detail exactly how she would deal with the next miscreant. She also made a number of other comments which, out of a sense of human decency, we will refrain from reproducing here.

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